Massage parlors can be a great way to use your lunch break from work. For less than what you’d spend on a pair of basic shoes or a good dinner, you get rubbed down, blown, and get to cum on some woman’s breasts that you just met.
Most guys get inspired to try this venture after hearing a friend’s story of an existing local parlor that they happened to stumble upon. They hear the stories of varying exotic and beautiful women, enjoyable table showers, mediocre massages, professional hand jobs, amazing blow jobs and explosive breast releases, and it becomes a necessity for them to check it out.
For all of you newbies who have yet to try this gem of the man’s world, I’m laying out a few guidelines to ensure your first visit provides you with the happy ending you’ve been dreaming about.
Wash your balls
Clean your whole body, for that matter. After all, you’re going to a place to have a stranger rub you down and fondle your junk. Have some fucking courtesy. Some places have showers, but don’t expect them to. Come prepared. No girl is going to want to spend much time in a room with you if you stink to high heaven.
This should be a given. Some places accept plastic, but they want a paper trail even less than you do. Either way, when it comes down to the “extras” you’ll want to get along with your massage, you’ll need the cash to negotiate and cover those goodies. You’re not going to want to interrupt your session to run out of the room with a hard on to swipe your card.
Bring at least $200. You’ll probably only need $100, but it’s always a good idea to bring along some extra financial padding. If it’s a full service place, she may work you up enough to where you’ll need that extra Benjamin. Remember, there’s really no limit to how much you could spend on a session. For those sick fucks out there with extra kinky requirements, most girls are willing to oblige for the right price, but you’ll need to bring even more cash.
Learn The Language
Don’t walk in and ask some stupid shit like, “Can I fuck her?” Most places won’t discuss details like that at the front desk. All the extras are worked out and agreed upon in the back room. They’ll always ask if you’ve been there before.
There are only two acceptable responses: 1. “Yeah, but’s it’s been a while” or “Not here, but I’ve had non-therapeutic massages before”. This is an easy way for you to let them know that you’re cool and know what time it is.
Usually, the girl who greets you at the counter is the girl on deck. If she’s not your style, don’t worry. There are tactful ways to get another girl without coming across like a fucking asshole. If she’s white, ask if they have any foreign girls. If she’s blonde, ask if they have any brunette girls. You get the idea.
The only thing you’ll want to discuss at the desk is the amount of time you want your session to last. Remember, all the extras will be discussed in the back.
You’ll then be led to the massage room. They’ll ask you to get comfortable and leave you alone for a moment. Get naked, lay down on the table, and wait for their return. If you don’t get naked, they’ll think you just want a normal, therapeutic massage, and you’ll kill your happy ending.
When she gets back, she’ll give you some options. Typically, it’ll be whether you want her topless, in a g-string or completely naked. If they give you these options, you’re fucking golden. This is a confirmation of sorts that you will be releasing a load before leaving.
Now’s the time to work out your desired “extras”. Normally, your massage, at its most basic, will include your rub down, hand job and release. ”Extras” will include breast release, blow jobs, facials, fucking, etc. Don’t be afraid to ask these girls for whatever your disgusting little heart desires; they’ve heard it all. Just be nice about it. If you’re warm, friendly and charming during this process, you’ll increase your chances of getting what you want without breaking the bank.
Don’t wait until after the massage portion of your session or the middle of your hand job to work out any extra details. By then, all the blood would have left your brain and made its way down to your junk. She’ll be aware of this fact, and you’ll get taxed to high heaven.
Be Suave, Asshole
Even if you’re a dick to girls on the day-to-day, you’ll want to be a smooth character when in the parlor. If you’re nice from the get go, make her laugh and feel comfortable, you’ll only increase your chances of having an awesome time.
Keep in mind, she may be at work, but she wants to have a nice time at work as much as anyone else. If she enjoys her time with you, she may just give you extra time and attention, if only to avoid the crapshoot that the next customer represents. Be smart.
Keep Shit In Check
Expectations can be a bitch. Don’t walk in and expect to see a line-up of eastern European supermodels or a team of hot Asians that are dying to fuck you. If it’s your first time there and the parlor has had close calls with the boys in blue, you may end up getting a standard massage with no bust.
Hopefully, you heard about the place you go to from a friend and have previous confirmation that the place is a “full service” type of place. But if that’s not the case, be prepared to be disappointed on your first go around. If you aren’t offered any options before your massage starts, politely ask if they are full service. That way, you’ll know up front what the deal is and potentially put the girl at ease that you’re cool and looking to squirt.
For you guys out there that get sentimental and find yourselves feeling bad for the girl and her station in life, DON’T. This is her job. It’s what she does to earn a living. You don’t tear up when you see a bus boy clearing your table, so don’t feel bad for her.
Follow these tidbits of advice, keep it cool and relax. If you do, you’ll have a great experience, and you’ll have one more way to escape the rigors of daily life and get your jollies off.
Good luck, perverts!