There is a part of this story that was inspired by Matthew Berry’s recently released book Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who’s Lived It (that’s a title!). There’s another part that was inspired by the insipid seriousness that is engulfing the game of Fantasy Football.
Blame it on the gambling.
Nonetheless, every dude that loves sports loves their fantasy sports. And while there are so many different ways to play online, there’s still a lot of room for growth. Especially in ways to make it silly and ridiculous. Something that DudeShit specializes in.
Points for Trash Talking
Why play fantasy football if not for the shit talking aspect of it? Walking through work or even the dorms are only enriched by hurling ego crushing insults at friends that make them feel as insecure as Melissa McCarthy at a swimsuit competition.
And why not get rewarded for that skill, as much as a guy should be for knowing that the 3rd round draft pick for the New England Patriots is somehow going to become the team’s leading receiver.
Practically, the trash talking should be limited to internal message boards, with an up-or-down voting system similar to reddit. The most votes getting some sort of boost for the week.
But, for those who are really brave, the trash talking will be covert and recorded only to be posted on YouTube or Instagram for potential millions to enjoy along with your league.
Drafting the right team in fantasy football is incredibly annoying. Everyone has their own little hidden secrets and strategies, guides, plans, rankings, or whatever, and 9 times out of 10 it amounts to pretty much no advantage (not that it stops anyone from investing all that time).
Then take all of that, and mix it with alcohol. A lot of alcohol. Then make sure there is an extra short draft clock, and you have the makings for hilarious draft happenings. Plus day after regrets on par with waking up next to a girl with a mustache after a night of drunken debauchery.
Again, this comes from Matthew Berry and the revelations he made about “The Tattoo League”:
In The Tattoo League, the last place team has to get a tattoo at the end of the year to forever commemorate his fantasy inferiority. My favorite is the Justin Beiber face with “Fantasy Loser #YOLO Swag” tattoo.
But this is the epitome of extreme, and sometimes nothing works better than a swift kick in the balls, or maybe even just losing an eyebrow. A pre-made wheel of horrors could be made and spun every week so that the week’s last place team can suffer some form of humiliation. Think of it like the missions from Fight Club, except the only thing a dude will learn is how much people are willing to laugh at strangers.
Pick me? Pick you!
Real easy premise here: everyone gets a chance to make picks for each other’s teams. To make it reasonable, so that not everyone ends up with all the backup kickers in the league, there will be a pre-made list of supposed starters.
Combine this with the Loser Penalties twist on fantasy football, and this could be the best league ever. It could potential be like having a wife swap with your fat neighbor, but end up banging his 18 year old super hot daughter.
There already are suicide pools, but this the Suicide Fantasy League will work a little different.
Everything is done normally, except after the sixth week, whatever team has the lowest points for the week has to waive their entire team. Then, the remaining members have to fight over the best players in the waiver pool. Wheeee! Watch the chaos ensue.
Literally, from one week to the next, a team may go from almost losing to being in first place then right back to almost losing again. Utter insanity.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have some funny Fantasy League ideas so that next year we can have our own DudeShit Fantasy League and Tournament.